Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
