Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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