watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
