I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
