Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
