This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
