the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
