Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The beer is more important than you right now.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
