The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
