Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
