omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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