Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
