I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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