he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize