Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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