I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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