I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
