he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
