...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
