Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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