dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
