Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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