the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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