and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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