I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
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I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
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I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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