somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
