i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
