If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
