At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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