He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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