Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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