just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
