How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
