you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
