how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
