She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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