You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
