Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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