A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
