before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
