I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
