GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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