can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
