Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
