U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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