I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
