Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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