it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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