small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
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Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
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I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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