I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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