Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
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i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
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Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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