I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
