I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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