before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
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she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
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She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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