Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
