i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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