my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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