i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
