He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
