btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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