Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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