dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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