3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She is in my trunk
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky