Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He better not be in your backpack
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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