i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.