I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person