I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.