Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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