I faked an abortion last night.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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