he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
