Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
