I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
this is an emotional support booty call
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
