I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the day after is always just damage control
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
