Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
