There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
