Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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