He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
bring money and cleavage
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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