It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
