sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
