Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
