You smell like stripper and shame
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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