Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
