who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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