Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
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She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
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I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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