I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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